Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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