Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
