well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Randomize
