Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize