Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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