why im i the only drunk person in the library?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
