you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
