I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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