i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
