We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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