I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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