what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
