I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Randomize
