You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
