just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
