She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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