marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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