I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
