party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
