I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
