i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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