This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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