I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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