Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize