So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I think my moral compass just broke
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