My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
