There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
