I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
NoShamevember. You game?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
