I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
