if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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