Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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