I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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