don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
