he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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