grandma shit on top of the toilet
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
