Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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