On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
