Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
