I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
