Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
