so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
