The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
