Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
