Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
