I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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