i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
