That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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