i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
