ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
