You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
