I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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