the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
