I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
