I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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