Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
this is an emotional support booty call
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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