if i can run in heels then i can drive
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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