He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
