I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You were trust falling into bushes
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