Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
