good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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