Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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