Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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