Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
