dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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