I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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