Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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