i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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