she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
