dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
