this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
