If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
