I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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