I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
