you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
