He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
