I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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