What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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