i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
