I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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