dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
