my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
