This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize