All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
