I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I think my moral compass just broke
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
