just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
